Is Home Still Where the Heart is in Our Global Society?

Home. Is it where the heart is? Is it a place? A feeling? A sense of belonging?

If you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you will know we relocated from the UK to Australia in 2017, with two very small children. I fell unexpectedly pregnant the minute our feet hit Aussie soil and quickly realised how little of life is within our control.

It dawned on me, this week, that I have been feeling mentally homeless for a few years. I thought I was okay with moving countries but I was actually just comfortable with the “let’s go and try it” part. Happy to go with the flow, it was always at the back of my mind that we could pack up and return to the UK anytime. A permanent move was more than I had the capacity to comprehend. Except, earlier this year we sold our house in the UK. This means we now have no physical home to which we can return.

Up until now, when people asked if we feel settled in Australia, I would immediately reply, “No, not really.” In my mind, we’ve still been sussing it out, deciding whether this beautiful area, in a safe and progressive country, is a suitable environment in which to raise our girls.

In hindsight, I’ve never had a chance to take stock of the impact such a move had on our family. As a mum of three girls under three-and-a-half, I just kept going. Even now, as the eldest approaches five-years-old, life still feels relentless.

However, a few days ago, my two “big” girls were happily playing with playdough at the dining room table. The large windows were open and there was a light breeze providing relief from the warm spring heat. While observing my daughters in those brief tranquil moments, I decided it is time to embrace our new life, for their sake and mine. Is it time to call Australia home? Maybe.

I was born in South Africa, spent my twenties and early thirties in the UK and now I live in Sydney. If pushed, I will probably tell you the UK is my home. But is it really? My mum is Scottish-born but South African raised. She now lives in London. Dad is South African to the core but lives in Australia. I have siblings in the UK and Australia. I have a British-South African husband. Two of my daughters were born in the UK, one was born in Australia but is British due to stringent Australian visa laws. I am South African by birth, British by descent and now I am an Australian permanent resident. If home is where the heart is, I am a true global citizen.

The trouble is, this only leaves me feeling restless and unsettled. If I dwell on this uncertainty too long, I begin to feel like I have no home at all. Of course, this is simply untrue. It is not my circumstances that should dictate my sense of belonging. Rather I need to redefine my perception of “home”.

I have been unable to call Australia home because I have unknowingly disallowed myself to accept this is where we now live, permanently. Without realising it, the root of my imagined displacement has been largely due to discontent. I spend far too much time on social media, observing the lives of people who look to be thriving. Everyone is seemingly far more successful and productive than I am. I see the daily lives of my global friends and I feel sad because they are doing just fine without me. I have become unintentionally more engaged in a virtual world than I am in the real world around me.

This tendency to surround myself in virtual reality has caused me to glamorise the life I left behind in the UK. It prohibits me from forming strong connections with the lovely people who are in the actual community surrounding me. Instagram shows me all I am missing out on and I forget that life as a mum in the UK was not a bed of roses. I am pretty sure I was already suffering a form of post-natal depression prior to immigrating. We had limited support and I was often terribly lonely at home all day with two small children. And both my husband and I felt restless, feeling like we needed a change.

If I truly review our lives here in Sydney, I quickly realise we want for very little in terms of lifestyle. We have a community, a church and gorgeous beaches at every turn. Our girls have plenty of friends and love frequenting the numerous playgrounds, beaches and nearby cafes for babycinos (Gen Alpha!). They are happy. I should be too.

So, where is home? The transient nature of our global society has seemingly altered the definition of something that was quite clear-cut for previous generations. If I am ever to feel content with my situation, the most suitable belief is that home is where my feet are. Not a place, a feeling or a belief. Home is a mindset.

After two-and-a-half-years of being neither here nor there, I’m here. And finally, I’m home.