Dear hard-working mama,
If this parenting gig is harder than you anticipated, you’re in good company.
My first child was a textbook baby and I thought I had this mum role waxed. It was only when she became a determined toddler – and I had a second baby who didn’t take two-hour daytime naps – I realised there was more to parenting than just reading The Baby Whisperer. I started to feel underqualified for my position.
In my pre-kids life I was a PA. I love systems. If something isn’t working, it needs a system. Except, I kept finding this doesn’t always work when you are a parent. Yes, systems have their place for a short while but suddenly everything changes and your system begins to fail.
Because kids are constantly growing, changing and developing and you are far better off adapting with them rather than getting frustrated. You can’t fit them into an Excel spreadsheet box or an Outlook calendar appointment. Parenting just doesn’t work like that.
If God were to glance over your parenting CV I reckon he’d be looking for words like flexible, team player, patient, kind, humble, complimentary, forgiving, conscientious, trustworthy, persistent in hope. Other things – like good organisational and time-management skills, fun, adventurous and creative – are a bonus.
How do I know this? Because I’ve read the job description. It says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” *
Like most roles, you don’t really know what to expect until you are in the thick of it. On paper it can look like your dream job but even the best and most fulfilling positions in the world – like being a mum – have their hardships. This is what makes them simultaneously awesome and challenging.
So, what then qualifies me to do this demanding role? Nothing and everything. I’m a perfectionist yet I’ve had to come to terms with the idea I will never quite get it right with my kids. I’m not the best mum, I’m just the best mum for them. Because they have been entrusted to me, I choose to love them, even when it is difficult and even when they are acting unlovable. This is what singles me out as capable of fulfilling my role.
I applied for this position. Out of all the candidates, I was chosen to be mum to my three precious girls. My assignment is to give my best. Like any role, in order to thrive, I need to be constantly refining my skills, doing the background work, putting in the long hours and persevering through the really busy times. If I did it when I was being paid, how much more important now when the wellbeing and mental health of three small people is involved.
No matter how hard I work, I will never be the perfect mum. This has been the steepest learning curve for me as a parent. What is more important than perfection is love. Of all the qualifications I could have, “the greatest of these is love”.*
Why? Because love never fails. And neither will you or I. Because love is what all us mums have to give.
Love,
Mum Rox
*1 Corinthians 13
