Dear Scarlett, my “girliest” girl,
I feel utterly blessed to be your mother. I was always meant to be a mum of girls. I am not going to resort to any gender-stereotyping as it has become quite taboo and I am posting this into a public space.
However, what can not be disputed are those traits I have noticed from my own experience as your mother. You love to have your hair braided and your nails painted. You will often go into the bathroom and when I find you, there you are, at the mirror, putting on your pretend make-up. You love pretty dresses and sparkles. It is all about rainbows and fairies and unicorns for you. I have tried to introduce cars, trucks, trains and dinosaurs into your play but there is little uptake and you always gravitate back to the dolls and the kitchen. And there is no other colour but pink. Everything must be pink. You just seem to like beautiful things.
As far as I can tell, very little of this has been imparted to you by myself. Of course you mimic – as children do at your age – but I have not consciously led you down a path lined with female gender expectations. I own very few (if any) pink clothing items of my own. I have largely left you to become whoever you choose.
Because you have an appreciation for the loveliness around you, it has prompted me to think deeply about the home I fashion for you. As I pursue a life of minimalism I have really started to think through everything that enters our home. For years I have bought so much stuff that I would now classify as functional rather than beautiful. And much of it was unnecessary in the first place. I just haven’t always put much thought into the things I buy.
And it isn’t just limited to bought items. You and your sisters love to stop and admire vibrant flowers and big leaves when we are out walking. You notice the scurrying crabs and jellyfish in the water at the end of our road. You collect pine cones and sticks, shells and dried sea-sponge. You marvel at the striking colours of a sunset and a sighting of the moon or stars brings squeals of delight.
Your love and appreciation for all things beautiful inspires me to try and accumulate only those things we need – and for those items to delight on some level. It is currently in vogue to ask whether our possessions bring us joy (Marie Kondo has many people around the world patting their clothes and finding joy in perfectly organised wardrobes) but I would rather you found your joy in things that are everlasting, rather than in a favourite dress or toy. Joy goes much deeper than materialism and part of my determination to simplify our home is to allow space for finding true joy away from clutter and stuff.
I recently made two purchases which were necessary and really well thought through: a laptop and suitcases for you and your sister. In the past I would have opted for the budget option, only to replace it shortly afterwards because I didn’t actually like it or it broke. But this time I spent a bit more money and opted for quality items, with the intention of using them for many years to come. To my delight, strangers have commented on the attractiveness of both those items when we have been out in public with them. I have never had anyone compliment me on my laptop before! I mean, I can’t blame them….it is a fine specimen of…well, a laptop.
I am now mentally running through each area of your life and noting where I will make different choices in future. You have so many clothes in your wardrobe that are okay – not particularly pretty, just alright. I have already raised the issue of shoes in a previous post (why did I buy the Crocs in the first place?!) and the excess toys that bring no particular delight to your play. The tatty plastic crockery and cutlery, the bath toys that get mouldy within weeks, the broken crayons that never get cleared out and the hand-me-downs that were generously given to us but not necessarily things we needed or wanted, but felt too bad to decline.
From now on I intend on asking myself these simple questions before allowing new items into our home:
- Is it necessary?
- Do we already have something similar that could serve the same purpose?
- Is the thing that I am buying going to last or have I chosen it because of the price?
- Do I/you love it?
- Is it ethically/sustainably made and if not, can I find an alternative that is?
All of this said, I am not suggesting your life will always be Insta-worthy or perfect going forward. I would love that but it is just never going to happen over here – I’m just not cool or chilled enough to portray an Olliella-esque life of relaxed glamour. And there will always be items that are chosen purely for their functionality rather than for their aesthetics. But I am entering a phase in my own life where I am tired of being surrounded by stuff that contributes nothing to our lifestyle or the ambience of our home.
Thank you for showing me that life can and should be beautiful. Your precious, childlike naivety reminds me there is much comfort to be found in a life of simplicity. And in enjoying the simple things, may you go on to seek deep joy in the places of true beauty.
Love,
Mum