Parenting Books I’ve Loved

To the mother who is overwhelmed by the sheer abundance of parenting advice,

I thought parenting skills came naturally once you had a child. Turns out that isn’t necessarily the case. As my eldest has grown from a baby to a toddler to a preschooler, I have realised if I defaulted to my natural instincts I was going to hurt and damage her.

I assumed it was best practice to use time-outs whenever necessary, ignore tantrums, assert my authority from an early age and when all else fails, use a star chart. But it became clear quite quickly none of these was working for either of us.

So, I read a few parenting books. And some made me angry. Others were somewhat helpful. Some gave me hope.

There is a lot of conflicting advice out there so I resolved to only take on the things that made sense for my family; and it turns out my parenting instinct is still alive and well.

A few books were nearly thrown out the window (Supernanny for one; far more hurtful than helpful!). But a few have changed my perspective and helped me discover a love for parenting when I had become jaded and discouraged.

The Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg, Melinda Blau

When my first child was a baby, Tracy Hogg taught me everything I needed to know; how to get her to sleep peacefully, when to feed her and how to distinguish between her cries. Tracy’s advice brought contentment to our household and helped me thoroughly enjoy that first year. She didn’t advocate for “cry it out” nor did she suggest I respond immediately to every whimper. She helped us to find a healthy balance.

Parent Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon

I went on to struggle through my daughter’s toddler years until I determined we needed to make some changes. Each time I sent her to a time-out or reprimanded her, an already emotional situation would escalate and I would be facing total meltdown. This was not working for us.

Then I stumbled upon the audiobook for Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children (for free with an Audible trial!) and my idea of parenting was totally turned on its head. Mr Thomas Gordon was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his work and I can understand why. He certainly brought peace to our own household with his No-Lose Method.

This book made me realise the clash between the parent I was and the parent my heart was longing to be. I’m ashamed to admit – before I encountered this book – there were times when I forgot my children were people too; little people who are entitled to opinions and choices of their own. While listening to this book I began to believe it is possible to resolve conflict without resorting to anger and frustration every time problems arise. I wish every parent received a physical copy when they left the hospital.

Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne

While home life had improved significantly, I knew we could still do some things better. We were still facing disproportionate meltdowns and over-stimulation on an almost daily basis. While I know this is expected behaviour from children of toddler age, it all just seemed a bit out of character for my daughter.

A friend recommended Simplicity Parenting and I’m so happy this book found its way into our lives; it spoke right to my old-fashioned heart. At its core, its message is to let children just be children for as long as possible. It also sparked a desire in me to simplify every area of our lives. My girls may have noticed a few of their toys “disappear” but there are also many they haven’t missed at all. Embracing the author’s suggestions to reduce clutter and television/screen time has had a noticeably positive impact on daily life.

How wonderful to have an advocate for innocence in a world that seems to expect too much from young children.

10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know, Dr Justin Coulson

By the time I got to this book, I felt like a lot of what it said was already being practiced in our home. However, it did introduce me to Dr Justin Coulson, a parenting guru. With a PhD in Psychology and six(!) daughters of his own, he is a wealth of knowledge on all aspects of raising children. He has a podcast, a blog, webinars and seminars and has written a number of other books on parenting.

My take-aways from the book were around the importance of family life and maintaining a strong marriage. It was helpful to be reminded that our marriage relationship needs as much attention as our parenting does.

I just love watching my children thrive in a home environment that is safe, peaceful and respectful (some of the time!). I could read every parenting book available but I will never be the perfect parent. I will probably never even come close to being an expert. But I’m committed to exploring more effective options when things don’t seem to be running smoothly.

I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I have very few. So we’ll leave that to the professionals and thank God for Google. Amen.

Love,
Mum Rox

Do you have any parenting books on your favourites list? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.