Dear starfish a.k.a the children we welcome into our bed most nights,
By day you function as normal human beings. You walk in a straight line, you sit and stand as expected. You don’t appear to have any extraordinary abilities when it comes to the way your arms and legs function.
However, by night you transform into contortionists in your sleep, able to manipulate your bodies in such a way that you seemingly grow extra limbs. You take up the space of three grown adults. As your father and I hang off the edge of our own bed, you blissfully splay your body parts in various directions, with no care for the vast space you occupy. And you move around. A lot.
Daddy and I decided pretty early in parenthood that being precious about our bed was only going to result in a lot of lost sleep for everyone. And for the most part you are all rather good at taking it in turns to invade our space – each subconsciously choosing a night or two of the week.
Now, if this practice is to continue I think we need to cover a few basics of bed-sharing etiquette:
Firstly, it is unacceptable to kick a parent or sibling as if they are an intruder in your space. It will do you well to remember it is not your bed and we are all courteous to one another, even at 2am when everyone is tired.
Also, your father is a lover of cuddles; your mother less so. I tolerate a bit of spoonage from time to time but after a few minutes I want my space. Crushing me with the full weight of your body or pushing me to find solitude on the very edge of my own bed is not going to endear me to you in the wee hours.
Furthermore, when you wake up in our bed in the morning, there is to be no “territorial moodiness” when your sisters come in for their morning hugs. Just because you have spent the night in the bosom of luxury does not entitle you to claim our bed as your own. It is (apparently) a shared and communal space.
Finally, would someone please explain the rules to the dog.
I have spent many hours of my life making your bedrooms such wonderful spaces. You have even commented how much you like your rooms and have shown appreciation for the effort having gone into their décor and arrangement. So why the necessity to migrate to our room at night? There it is again, those reminders that you are still so little and you just need us. No matter what time it is.
I know I will miss these days when you are too big to fit perpendicularly on our bed. And when you are teenagers trying to ban your parents or your sisters from your own rooms I will remind you of this “Open Bed Policy” that you once enjoyed.
Sleep well my darlings – wherever that may be.
Love,
Mum
