I suffered an awful migraine last night. It’s no surprise. I’ve had so little sleep lately and have been eating terribly. For a couple of years, I have been migraine-free but I think my body finally had enough. Ongoing sleep deprivation is brutal. If – like me – you think you’re doing okay on minimal sleep, I’m about to shatter your illusion.
Our first child lulled me into a false sense of security regarding parenthood. She was a unicorn baby. She had two long daytime naps each day, fed without any issues, thrived on routine and slept through the night at three months.
I thought all babies behaved this way if you kept to a good schedule. Not true. Another two babies later and I now know why veteran parents tell you to sleep as much as you can before having kids.
After chatting with a friend last week about the necessity of sleep, I started to research what happens when you are continuously sleep-deprived.
The effects of sleep deprivation
You might think you’re doing okay on less than your required hours of sleep, but the chances are you’re probably not. A bit of research confirms what I already know. Sleep deprivation causes you to be grouchy and moody, you eat more, you stop caring about things, become forgetful, you’re more clumsy, struggle to learn new things, it reduces your sex drive, you become forgetful (hang on…did I already write that?) and so on.
My biggest concern, however, is the issue of sleep debt. When you lose sleep, the deficit accumulates and you need to make it up to fully recover. How the heck will I ever recover from four years of sleep deprivation?! I might as well just sleep the rest of my life away! But further digging suggests I may need to give myself just a few weeks of recovery once all the children in the house start to sleep through the night. Phew.
Sadly, these nights of undisturbed slumber are unlikely to be anytime soon, according to a recent study. Researchers in Germany have concluded that parents should not expect sleep satisfaction and duration to fully recover for up to six years after the birth of their first child.
Really?!? Why do they even conduct a study like this? Why not just leave parents to naively believe our young children will suddenly decide to sleep?! Sod this nonsense about forewarned is forearmed.
What can you do about it?
Nothing.
Ha! I’m only half kidding. There isn’t a lot you can do about kids waking up in the night. Yes, you can do sleep training and ensure they are in a good routine. However, you can’t entirely prevent sickness, nightmares, loud noises or other typical things that wake children up at night.
The suggestions below are for me as much as for anyone else feeling drained due to lack of sleep. I know it is unlikely to be life-changing but if I remember to do even a couple of these things, I usually feel much better.
- GO TO BED EARLY
It’s pretty obvious, I know. Yet, it is so difficult to go to bed early when you are desperate for those precious child-free hours. There is the dinner clear-up, washing to be folded, lunches to prepare and a never-ending number of other things on your to-do list.
Last night I was forced to go to bed at 7 pm due to my migraine. And you know what? The house was still in one piece when I woke up this morning, ten hours later! I may not be able to get to bed early every night, but even once or twice a week would make a huge difference to that sleep deficit.
- ACKNOWLEDGE THE SLEEP DEPRIVATION
This sounds obvious but I often beat myself up for losing my temper or for lacking the motivation to do anything. I can go for days where I just don’t like myself because of my constant moaning and grouchiness. If I’m honest, I’m simply surviving rather than thriving.
It is a relief to know this is a natural response to a lack of sleep. My mind and body are crying out for the necessary hours of rest and I am simply not functioning at my best due to sleep deprivation.
I’m not Superwoman; I’m a human whose basic sleep needs are not being met right now. It doesn’t make it okay to yell at the kids or walk around in a huff but at least I don’t have to feel like I am turning into a bad person. A few good nights sleep would help me feel like a new person.
- EAT WELL
When I am sleep deprived I reach for the most comforting foods I can find: chocolate, bread, cake, coffee and anything containing sugar in large quantities. Premium superfoods right there…or not. Eventually, this takes its toll on my body and I feel sluggish, I get headaches and I just feel…well…gross.
One trick is just not to have this stuff in the house, then I can’t indulge on it. I also find doing a detox really helps me to reset my system when I know I need to up my nutritional game.
- TAKE A NAP
I actually get really annoyed when people tell me to nap. As a mother with three children under five years old, I am doing chores, wiping bottoms, making food etc from the time I wake up. When on earth am I supposed to NAP?!
But once in a while, when sleep deprivation is extreme, I hit the point where I literally cannot keep my eyes open. On those days I put the baby down to nap and try to convince the others to sleep too. If not, I set them up with an activity beside me and close my eyes for a few minutes. I think I have even mastered the art of answering their questions in my sleep (#mumskills).
- TAKE AN EPSOM SALT BATH
I haven’t actually tried this one but it has been suggested that soaking for half an hour in a bathtub with two cups of Epsom Salt is a bit of a miracle cure for sleep deprivation. Epsom Salt contains magnesium and sulfate which apparently get absorbed into the body and counteract that lack of sleep.
Unfortunately, we don’t even have a bathtub for me to try this one. But if anyone else tries this and can vouch for it, I might just fill up the paddling pool and give it a go!
- DRINK LOTS OF WATER
Somehow I always manage to have a (cold) cup of tea on the go but never a glass of water. By the end of the day, I’m usually feeling dehydrated.
When I do remember to drink a glass of water, I feel so much better for it, knowing it is helping to keep my system clean. Dehydration can also cause feelings of fatigue which only make me feel more tired than I already am.
I realise these suggestions come up short when you are facing months – maybe years – of sleepless nights. While I don’t have any magic tricks up my sleeve to make kids sleep, these suggestions might just perk you up when you are at a sleep-deprived low-point.
If you’re braver than me, there is apparently a really good book about sleep by Matthew Walker called Why We Sleep. I’ll read it in eighteen months when – according to the abovementioned study – I can expect a full night’s sleep again. Until then, please, oh please, hide all the chocolate from me.
