There is a solution to every problem. If I need parenting advice, there are endless resources at my fingertips. Each time I check-in on social media there is a post suggesting how I can be a better version of myself. I’m made to think I can be a brilliant parent and wife, while still having enough time to myself, an organised home and I’ll never again lose my cool with my kids. So why do I still get overwhelmed by motherhood?
Admittedly, some days I lap it up; I’m like a sponge, absorbing every recommendation, encouraged by the prospect of a less stressful and more gratifying existence. I sign up to the emails which promise to organise my chaos. I read them religiously for a week. Then they simply end up causing more disorder in my inbox.
Other days are just shit (I don’t swear much but you know things are bad when I do). One child is acting-out – despite my greatest efforts to coach her through her issues. The toddler won’t nap. The baby is screaming…all…day…long. At those times I want to give up and write cynical comments on perky-parenting posts. I reason all those people – who are full of advice – are just faking it, like the rest of us.
Despite constantly being told all the right ways to parent, I conclude there is, in fact, no right way to parent. I can try my best, read all the books, follow all the good advice in the world and still end up failing.
But when I reach the point where motherhood starts to overwhelm me, I know it’s time for a reset. There are some things I have come to find really helpful when I feel like the monotony and responsibility of it all is unbearable. And they don’t come from any source other than my own experience.
Detox
I have a tendency to turn to sugar when I am feeling tired or grumpy. It offers the quick pick-me-up I need at that moment but later I feel worse for it. This continues for a few weeks until my body starts to protest (headaches, bloating, fatigue) and I know I need to cut it out. My husband and I tend to do a proper detox twice a year, for a month. We cut out sugar, wheat, dairy, meat, caffeine and alcohol. It sounds extreme but I can honestly report I never feel better than when we are eating mostly vegetables, fruit and pulses/legumes etc. There are many versions of a detox but the crux of it is that you treat your body with kindness and respect and nourish it with goodness rather than trolley loads of chocolate.
Take a social media holiday
No, I’m not suggesting I like to go on a mini-break and spend hours scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Quite the opposite, really. Each year, usually during Lent, I take a break from social media (or a fast). I am always surprised by how little I miss it. My productivity levels also go up thanks to all the extra time I gain. And I am more okay with who I am because there are fewer people to whom I subconsciously compare myself.
I’m just so bored with automatically reaching for my phone, only to find I have wasted 15-minutes of my precious time looking at nonsense on Facebook. Plus, I end up feeling deflated and unsuccessful (Why is my life not as cool or as beautiful as theirs?). It distracts me when I could be spending quality time with my family. Plus, there is very little positive that ever comes out of mindlessly perusing what other people are eating for breakfast or trying to promote.
I am starting to feel I need to be disengaging on a more regular basis. I’m unsure how that looks just yet, as I do like to see what my friends and family around the world are doing. I just know I need to find a better balance.
Get away
When I am snapping at the kids or my husband for trivial things or I just want to escape my life, this is exactly what I need to do. There is nothing worse than feeling trapped in – what should feel like – a very blessed and happy life. Sometimes our biggest blessings (family) can feel like our heaviest weights. At those times I need to create distance between us to gain a bit of perspective.
Because the kids are so young it is really hard to stay away overnight but even just a day out at the shops or a few hours in a café on my own gives me the opportunity to miss everyone. This is normal and healthy and I have to make the effort to do this each week, if possible. After time away I remember what it is like to recognise my own needs and regain a sense of who I am outside of being “Mum”. I just feel less overwhelmed by motherhood when I allow myself some time away from it all.
Clean
This might just be me but I feel more centred if my environment is clean and tidy. Most days, the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning. It is utterly soul-destroying when I spend three hours of my day making the house sparkle, only to have it trashed in about 10 minutes by the kids. Even so, for the next few days I know the house is dust-free, the bathrooms are hygienic and I feel generally more organised.
The same can be said of decluttering: when I start to free up space in our home, I feel like I am making space in our lives and in my mind.
Read my Bible and pray
When I take time out of my busy schedule to sit quietly, meditate on the Bible and hand all my worries over in prayer, I feel so much lighter. It might be just for five minutes but I can feel how my whole perspective shifts. When I remind myself that God is bigger and stronger than anything I am facing, I continue on with a renewed sense of purpose.
Go to the beach
This is my happy place. I can have the world on my shoulders but just a few minutes looking at the ocean lifts my spirits like nothing else. Breathing in the sea air and listening to the crash of waves is wonderful soul food. Where is your happy place?
I’m not branding this as a “tips” post because that seems somewhat hypocritical when I started it by complaining about all the advice. These are just some of the ways I have used to pick myself up out of the slump when I get bogged down.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by motherhood, what are some of the things that have helped you to pick yourself up in the past? It’s important to recognise that these feelings don’t have to be permanent. I just have to remember to get back to basics and do the things that restore and renew me.
If you’re feeling like it is all too much today, ask yourself (not the internet) what you need to do for yourself this weekend. Perhaps you will start the week ahead feeling refreshed and lighter.
Love,
Mum Rox
