It’s school holiday time here in Sydney. I used to look at my diary for the upcoming couple of weeks and plan out exactly what we would do on each day of the break. No one wants to deal with whining, bored kids, right? Maybe not, but the more I delve into the benefits of a childhood of simplicity, the more I become aware of the dangers of overscheduling your child.
My experience with overscheduling
When we first arrived in Australia I signed up for every toddler activity I came across. We did ballet, a couple of music classes, swimming lessons, Story Time at the library and random play dates with strangers. I searched for play groups and googled every toddler activity in my area. If we had a free day, I would fill it.
By the end of that first year, I was exhausted and so were my kids. I had a newborn, I was trying to maintain our busy schedule and the pressure started to weigh me down.
At the time I was dealing with endless outbursts and tantrums. Sibling squabbles were at an all-time high and one child’s sensory issues were becoming highly exaggerated. The overscheduling had started to take its toll on my children but I didn’t realise it.
Simplifying
During the December holidays I read Kim John Payne’s Simplicity Parenting. I quickly recognised I was doing more harm than good. His advice – to slow the pace of life and let our kids be children for as long as possible – really resonated with me.
On assessing our weekly activities I realised I was leaving little to no space for down time in our schedule. I had been caught up in the hype about “enriching” my children’s lives from an early age. I felt I must expose them to culture, develop their brains and nurture their capacity to learn and absorb information. In the midst of trying to cultivate learning I had totally neglected the fundamental advantages of play.
Work began immediately to simplifying their environment and our schedules. At the same time I significantly reduced screen time. I felt exposed and vulnerable. How was I going to keep my children happy when we had so much time to fill?
I needn’t have worried. The change in atmosphere at home was remarkable. Within days, the older girls were playing together more and fighting less. There were fewer outbursts and tantrums. I marveled at the way my children took initiative and amused themselves for longer periods.
By the time preschool started again – and my eldest would be there for half the week – I was surprised to feel sad. We had all enjoyed the slow pace of the last few weeks together. So, when it came to signing up for activities during the term, I opted for only those the girls really loved or were deemed necessary (such as swimming lessons). There would be no more overscheduling for us.
Let them get bored
Since then I have read a lot about the benefits of allowing our children to be bored. For starters, it allows creativity to blossom and encourages initiative. It affords time to think and develops resourcefulness. It trains them in self-regulation and prepares them for tedious tasks in adulthood (data entry, anyone?).
This is an area where I can improve. I still avoid boredom if possible. It is one thing to understand the benefits of boredom; it is another to endure the nagging and whinging that will inevitably result until they overcome it and move onto the next activity.
The importance of play
It has also been enlightening to learn the value of play in the early years. From social skills to emotional intelligence, fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination, creativity, imagination, language skills; the benefits are numerous.
My daughter’s preschool offers a play-based curriculum and I love dropping her there and seeing all the children getting dirty in the mud kitchen or parading around in dress-ups. I’m always amazed at how much she absorbs and learns despite the absence of “traditional learning”. She has so many years of school ahead; I’m glad she has this chance to just be a child while she can.
Rather than rushing from one activity to another, we now make space for playgrounds, picnics and walks. It has been a huge mind-shift to accept I don’t need to “do stuff” all the time to ensure my children become the best versions of themselves. I am not going to make my children more intelligent or resilient by overscheduling them. I am only going to make them tired and cranky.
They have so many years ahead to develop their academic ability or their musical talent or their gymnastic agility. For now, I am preferring to just enjoy each other and the magic of childhood that will pass too quickly. They are only little once.
I’ll leave you with these thoughts from Seth Godin about portion control. You are the parent and you decided when life is getting on top of you. It is up to you.
