Dear daughters,
This week my Instagram feed filled up with black and white pictures of women engaging with the #WomenSupportingWomen campaign. Scrolling through these images reignited an insecurity which I regularly face as a stay-at-home mum. Is “just” being your mum enough?
I repeatedly get asked if or when I am returning to work. You are now 5, 4 and 2.5 and the implied expectation is that you will need me less and less. My response is almost always evasive and my subsequent feeling is one of self-doubt; “I should be doing more”.
Currently, my weeks pass by in an endless blur of meal prep, constant requests, sibling squabbles, household chores and many mundane activities. I can’t help but feel you still need me for a while yet.
On days when I barely find time to eat breakfast or hang up a wash-load, I marvel at those women who seem to do it all. They hold down meaningful jobs, run households and still find time to socialise and sleep. How do they do it?
Society has made major progress toward acknowledging women’s rights. As a mum of three girls, I’m immensely grateful knowing you will grow up in a world where you can be anything you dare to dream. Yet, the flip side is the expectation that you fully embrace this world of opportunity. Doing so can amount in a heavy mental load when it comes to combining family and career responsibilities.
Am I enough of a role model to you? Is it somehow “backward” to have a mum who merely carries out home duties and doesn’t contribute financially to the household? I would love to believe I’m a superwoman but the reality is that I am a mere human with limited capacity. I want to be the best mum I can be and personally, I don’t see a way to give you the attention you require as well as trying to find time to invest in a career. Many do, but I’m just not sure I can right now.
Ultimately I want to be at home with you, my clever, brave, confident, beautiful girls. I love being here for you when you need me and for those special moments that pass too quickly. I also get very frustrated. Sometimes I wish I did have a meaningful career that gave me an escape on days when I’m utterly overwhelmed.
Whether I go back to work or not will play out over time. What I do know is that I want it to be a decision based solely on the needs of our family. Perhaps my choice to be at home with you is a bit counter-cultural, in that it harks back to the traditional “housewife” of days gone by. For now, I’m okay with that.
What is more important than some perceived cultural expectation or a irrational pressure I put on myself, is that you feel loved, supported and cherished. From that foundation I hope you will feel you can change the world.
All my love,
Mum
Further reading on the blog:
When I’m overwhelmed by motherhood
Is this motherhood?
