For most of us, family and social Christmas traditions run deep. It takes a brave pioneer to mess with the roast, the gifts or the tension-steeped family gathering. These things can add to the joy of Christmas but only if you’re feeling up to it. Sometimes we have to admit to ourselves when we don’t want to engage in the hype of the season.
While I have many memories of lovely Christmases, there are some I didn’t enjoy at all. On reflection, I can see how I was left feeling resentful because I gave in too easily to other people’s requests and expectations.
The excessive giving, the large family gatherings, the frenzied shopping and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” on repeat can all be fun, if it is your thing. However, if you feel yourself yearning for a more peaceful, joy-filled festive season, I would like to suggest there can be a balance.
Here are some things I am going to attempt this holiday season to maximise the joy of Christmas. This year, my aim is to have a fun-filled, yet calm and joyful, Christmas.
Ask myself, “Will it be enjoyable?”
Last year my father kindly invited us to his house for Christmas lunch. He lived in a sweet waterfront cottage. There were steep concrete stairs which led to an unfenced garden bordering Sydney Harbour. At the time we had an only-just-turned-four-year-old, a two-year-old and a ten-month-old. None of them could swim or navigate stairs well. All I could think about was the stress of trying to stop all three kids from killing themselves while my husband and I scoffed a Christmas roast.
Nothing about the situation appealed to me. I politely declined my father’s offer, explaining why we would not be coming on Christmas Day. I won’t lie, I felt a combination of relief and guilt. Would my extended family think we didn’t want to see them?
We ended up having a special Christmas Day with only our family of five. We went to the beach early in the morning. Later we enjoyed a fuss-free barbeque and subsequent leftovers. The girls played happily with their gifts at home and were not utterly overwhelmed by the usual stimulation of the day.
Since having my own children, I’ve become protective of this special time of the year. I have had to prioritise my immediate family over the expectations of wider family or friends. This is not an easy choice to make. It is even harder doing it in a way which maintains relationships and doesn’t cause longterm hurt.
If you feel like the typical family gathering is not going to suit you this year, be honest with your loved ones. Perhaps there is a compromise to be found. We had our extended family around to our home on Boxing Day and everyone seemed satisfied with that arrangement. Don’t spend the day wishing you had stood your ground about wanting a simpler Christmas.
Toys, toys, do they need more toys?
As December approaches, I find myself fighting against the Christmas frenzy. Seasonal marketing attempts to draw me in at every shop, via the media and through my children’s pleas for the latest Elsa doll. Frozen 2 – you alluring beast!
At the start of the year, I set out to achieve a simpler way of life for our family and in our home. So far, so good. However, the real challenge lies in the “season of giving”. How can I maintain a position of simplicity while still embracing the joy of Christmas and the festive season?
I love watching the delight on my daughters’ faces when they open gifts. Equally, I don’t want to be left sneaking unwanted plastic paraphernalia out the front door like a post-Christmas Grinch.
It takes the average “toy of the moment” hundreds of years to decompose (if ever!). In light of this, I’m not keen to contribute to the further destruction of our planet. In my experience, the toys that light up and sing have no longevity at all. They are played with for a day or two and then forgotten. Even if we pass them on, they will eventually end up in a landfill.
Instead, open-ended toys lead to more creativity and imagination and have proven to stand the test of time in our playroom. These are items such as blocks, play silks, magnetic tiles, train sets, animal figurines, a wobbel board or pikler climbing frame, Duplo or Lego, a doll house or a play kitchen.
Equally, experiences can be a great alternative to more “stuff”. Ideas include gifting a zoo membership, an outing to a theatre show and cooking or music classes. Denaye Barahona of Simple Families talks about the way these “back-loaded” gifts aren’t always the most popular on the day. She goes on to say, however, that it is wonderful seeing your children enjoying their experiences at a later stage.
I’m not looking to completely deprive my kids and rob them of the joy of Christmas. A balance between physical gifts and alternative options could be a great way to please gift-giver and gift-recipients alike.
Take time to acknowledge what the season is all about
If you ask most children what Christmas is about, they will reply, “Santa!” Why wouldn’t they? There is a Santa photo opportunity at every mall. We threaten to tell the “big guy” when they misbehave. Some parents even strategically place elves around the house to reinforce Santa’s all-knowing power. When last did you see a nativity scene used to promote the season?
Our girls still believe in Santa and fully expect a visit from him each year. However, we’ve always been intentional about reinforcing the real meaning behind Christmas. Sadly, if they don’t hear it at home or at church, they may never know why we celebrate in the first place.
The true Christmas message is so much more powerful than the one about the watchful eye of Santa. While Santa’s elves keep tabs on bad behaviour, Jesus, a Saviour, was born 2,000 years ago so all “bad behaviour” would be forgiven forever. I would rather my children heard that message at Christmas than thinking they need to behave well in order to earn material gifts.
How special to know the true joy of Christmas is that they are valued by God, eternally loved, cherished and forgiven for any wrongdoing, from now until eternity.
The sentiment behind Christmas is one of love and acceptance so no elves are welcome around here. Unless they are these kindness elves, then they can stay.
*thud* That’s the sound of me hopping off my soapbox.
Show some homemade love
I love giving gifts but my bank balance doesn’t love December as much as I do. By the time I’ve bought gifts for family, friends, teachers and contributed to various Christmas funds, I really start to feel the Christmas pinch.
Instead, I’ve come to enjoy making edible or craft items and handing these out at Christmas time. Last year the girls helped me make biscuits and jam which were a hit with recipients.
Pinterest has a wealth of inspiration and I have a pantry shelf of glass jars ready to be filled with a festive treat. Making gifts can be time-consuming but so is shopping. I would rather make a day of Christmas crafting than traipse three children to the shops during December. Tantrums are a given. The kids play up pretty badly too. (*laughing at my own joke*)
Homemade gifts don’t have to be big, fancy or perfect. I think people appreciate when you have taken the time to create something special just for them.
Be creative with the advent calendar
I haven’t met a child who doesn’t like chocolate or who is able to suppress their enthusiasm as they walk past a Disney advent calendar. It would be very easy to purchase the Frozen 2 calendar and be done with it. Yet, something in me longs to use advent as a time to build the anticipation of Christmas. I’d like the lead-up to Christmas Day to feel a bit more meaningful than sickly-sweet candy behind a flimsy cardboard door.
I’ve started to raid the local op-shops for Christmas books for us to read a different book each day in December. The girls also love it when I set up craft activities for them so I’m hoping to do a simple Christmas craft each day. This usually works before breakfast when I want some peace and quiet and they are all rearing to go! It doesn’t have to be complicated; a tub of rice with some Christmas decorations thrown in would be a great sensory activity. Or green and red playdough with some Christmas shaped cutters would certainly be a hit.
I’m not a total killjoy so I’ll probably surrender to the chocolate too but at least I will know I made an effort alongside it.
Prioritise health above indulgence
Do we need to eat as much as we do on Christmas Day? Yes! Yes, we do.
Okay, I’m not going to mess with the Christmas lunch. But as for the rest of December…I’m going there. Every year, my husband and I do a January detox. Our bodies are crying out for us to remedy the damage caused during the Christmas season. We eat too many mince pies, drink far too much wine and gorge ourselves on tins of Quality Street.
Having recently read Dr Michael Greger’s “How Not to Die” I’m determined to take a healthier approach to festive fare. I’m not so concerned with what I shouldn’t eat. Rather, I’ll be focussing on putting as much good stuff into my body as I can. That way, there won’t be much room left for the Christmas pudding or gingerbread men.
While festive indulgence can be enjoyable, I’m never glad I ate just one more piece of fruit cake. Sadly, the joy of Christmas fizzles out all too quickly in January when I don’t fit into my skinny jeans anymore.
I love tradition and celebration as much as anyone. This year I’m simply hoping to embrace the truly meaningful gestures amidst tired, outdated rituals. While the latter can provoke stress, the true joy of Christmas can be a hidden gem available to those who dare to do things a bit differently.