“Mum? Do you need to go to university to be a teacher?” my eldest daughter asked as we drove to swimming lessons.
“Yes, you do. You need a degree.”
“And do you need a degree to be a librarian?” she continued.
“As far as I know, yes. I’m pretty sure you need a degree to be a librarian.”
“And do you need a degree to be a mum?” she asked, a cheeky grin on her face.
“No,” I laughed, “but there should be a degree for that! A Bachelor of Motherhood.”
In the moments that followed, I considered the peculiarity of a world where we need some level of qualification for almost any job we undertake. Yet, anyone can enter into one of the most complex and difficult callings on earth – parenthood – without a sliver of experience or preparation. One moment you are enjoying hot cups of tea and spontaneity and the next you are handed a tiny, screaming, human being whom you are expected to raise into a well-rounded member of society. There is no transition or learning period.
The assumption is that parenting is instinctive; everyone just knows what to do once the baby is born. I will concede that the ability to love and care is intuitive for most. However, the finer details and practicalities are not always immediately at our disposal.
Perhaps some people default to doing things the way their parents did and just get on with it. But what if that didn’t work out so well for you? Repeat unhealthy cycles from the past? If you are a follower of this blog, you will note that for years I have sought to be the best parent I can be. This did not come instinctively. I learned very quickly, after the birth of my first daughter, that I was ill-equipped to raise my child the way I wanted to.
So, I turned to the experts. Over the years I have sifted through many and settled on the ones that align with our family values and those who don’t. These are the behavioural experts, child psychologists and parenting experts I return to time and again when I feel I am reverting to “Shouty Mum” – someone who is not beneficial to sustaining healthy, positive and nurturing parent-child relationships.
I am incredibly proud of the people my children are becoming. They are far from perfect – as we all are. Yet, more often than not, I catch my heart swelling at the way they conduct themselves and at how resilient and confident they are in themselves. I know much of this is a credit to who they are as individuals, but I can’t discount the sound advice I have gained from experts over the years.
Here are some of my favourite posts pointing to the parenting experts to whom I will forever be grateful. Their guidance and expertise, through the work they do and share, has been invaluable. I’m so grateful to them for all do in the area of supporting family life. It certainly changed ours.
Parenting Books That Could Transform Your Family Life
Parenting Books I’ve Loved – Love, Mum
Disciplining Children | My Experience with Managing Difficult Behaviour – Love, Mum
Parenting Podcasts that Will Equip, Encourage and Inform You – Love, Mum
Parenting Experts Answers to FAQ’s About Tantrums – Love, Mum
Like any area in which we constantly seek to learn and grow, as parents we need to be flexible and open to learning new and better ways. We also need to listen to our children. My daughters are very good at pointing out when they feel I have fallen short in my parenting approach, either through verbal feedback or their behaviour. Sometimes I will stand firm in my conviction that I have acted in their best interest. Other times I must admit their protests are justified. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and I want my children to know their opinions matter. We are all a work in progress.
Do you have any parenting experts who you turn to time and time again? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.