“She broke my special thing!” wails a child as I’m handed a lopsided Tinkerbell with a broken leg.
“Don’t worry. I can glue it for you.”
Decrepit toys, broken handles of beloved mugs, worn-out slippers; if there is life in it yet, I reach for the superglue and delicately piece it back together. Is there anything superglue can’t fix? There is such satisfaction in seeing a once-broken item now whole again, making my children happy.
Having become accustomed to fixing things around the house, I have noticed how this overflows into my parenting. When they are hurt, frustrated, squabbling or screaming, I rush in and start to pick up the pieces; I reach for my invisible superglue. What’s wrong? What happened? Did you hurt her? Did she hurt you? What can we do to make it better?
I read something during the week that felt like it lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. It was a load I didn’t even realise I have been carrying. It said I am not responsible for making my children happy all the time. Really? But if they are unhappy they make my life miserable and then I am unhappy.
I had not realised I spend so much of my time trying to keep the peace, I have actually been making myself very, very unhappy. By always putting the needs of my children before my own, I have been slowly denying my own basic needs. This results in devaluing myself as a person. It has also made me quite resentful towards them at times.
It is incredibly frustrating in my own life when I encounter people who seemingly try to fix me or my problems. If I am not looking for advice or assistance, unwelcome opinions can make me feel incapable of making decisions for myself.
Yet, I overlook this basic human trait in my children all the time: the need for autonomy and independence. We all want opportunities to trust in our own decision-making ability. If I am always stepping in to rescue my children, they never have the chance to exercise their self-sufficiency. Allowing them to do their own problem solving, boosts their confidence in their own abilities. How many of these moments have I stolen by automatically rushing in with my mummy superglue?
Take a few moments today to ask yourself if you might need to reach for the superglue a little less. We all love a quick fix, but it’s a nightmare when you use a little too much and it gets stuck to your fingers. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our children is to let them work out how to create happiness for themselves.
