I remember so clearly the day I got my driver’s license. I was 25 years old and my first solo drive was to the grocery store (rock on!!). It felt so liberating to finally be behind the wheel on my own. There were hours of studying for the written exam and many (many!) lessons with a driving instructor. I didn’t sleep for nights before my practical test. Yet, when the actual test day eventually arrived I was well prepared. And I aced it! There had been so much preparation for that day. I could now drive confidently, knowing I was qualified to operate a vehicle.
Not so with parenting. I often feel as if parenting is like doing your driver’s licence backwards. There is no training or preparation. You are handed a little person and expected to instinctively know how to raise them. There is no manual or written test. Anyone who has partaken in an antenatal class knows just how helpful they are (uuuhhmmm…no!). Experience has also taught me that instinct sometimes leads you awry. Parenting can so often feel like driving a car for the first time, without any guidance, crashing into every obstacle in your path.
Why I read so many parenting books
Being a mum feels like something I will never be able to master. Despite being a perfectionist, six years along the road, I have settled on always trying my best and striving to do better. I’ve learned so much from others who have more experience than me or are experts in their field.
And this, my friends, is why I read so many parenting books! If I am experiencing behavioural difficulties from one of my children or I just need advice, I know the answer is out there somewhere. So far, I am yet to come across a parenting struggle that someone hasn’t faced before me.
My first child was only a few weeks old when I read “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” by Tracy Hogg. I loved the middle-of-the-road approach when it came to routine and sleep. I immediately began implementing her suggestions. By three months old, my daughter was sleeping through the night. From that moment, I was a parenting book junkie.
Sadly, no single parenting book contains a formula for carefree, easy family life. Each family is different and every child is completely unique.
What is the ONE thing that almost all parenting experts tell you?
There is a LOT of advice out there. And not all of it is sound or connects with the type of parent you know you want to be (Supernanny, I’m talking to you!).
But I have found a consistent message in almost every parenting book I have read. It seems parenting experts, despite their differing approaches, agree that when a child is acting out, they are not being naughty, bad or trying to be difficult. I’m quite sure, every parenting book I have read has highlighted that when a child is “misbehaving”, they are trying to tell you something; there is a problem. It is up to you as a parent to work out what might be bothering them and help them to get back to a place where they feel calm and balanced again. They might also be testing limits which is part of their learning process. Most of the books I have read, suggest that these moments are an opportunity for teaching and guiding rather than punishing.
When my children begin to push me to my limit, I have learned that getting angry and shouting does not work (even though I still fall into this trap regularly). It is slowly becoming instinct to question what is behind the behaviour and to try and remedy the underlying issue rather than the behaviour itself.
Do parenting books actually help?
If I had not read Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon a few years ago, I am quite sure I would be a very different parent. Implementing the advice and suggestions in that book changed the way I interact with my children and the way I see my role as a parent. It improved my relationship with my children, gave me tools to cope with conflict and offered alternatives to “laying down the law”, shouting and nagging. Reading that book was quite literally life-changing.
When I hit a stumbling block or encounter a behavioural difficulty, I know there is a book or parenting expert out there who has the answer. I’m okay with admitting when I need help. My children don’t need a mum who knows it all. They need a mum who prioritises their wellbeing over her pride. No matter how many parenting books I read, I never stop learning.
Am I any closer to achieving top marks for my “Parenting License” after all these books? Probably not, but unlike a drivers license, thankfully no one is testing me. I have a lifetime to keep improving.
What is your biggest take-away from a parenting book you have read? Leave a comment below and share the wisdom!
Your positive influence on families is immeasurable.