You’re Six Today

“It’s a girl.”

The words that overwhelmed me, broke me down and changed my life forever.

I want to say it was love at first sight. The truth is I don’t remember much of those first few hours. I remember it took 60 hours of agony for you to arrive. My only pain relief was two Ibuprofen pills. They didn’t work. I recall a doctor stitching me back together and your dad doing skin-to-skin with you. I remember the feeling of the shower as it washed away the aftermath of what had just taken place in the adjacent hospital room.

Did I want to love you straight away? Of course I did. But I had just endured one of the greatest traumas of my life and I needed a moment to recover.

My clearer recollections are of the days that followed your arrival. That first night was the best sleep I had enjoyed in months…and ever since. A kind midwife turned a blind eye to the baby sleeping soundly on my chest all night (so against the rules!) and I woke to this tiny creature clinging to me like an amoeba. We had an extended few days in the hospital and that’s when I began to feel my heart would burst with love for you. And that is how it has felt every day since.

You’re my sensitive child. The one who feels everything very deeply. Sometimes it overwhelms you. I get it. So do I. You are intuitive and sharp as a tac.

You became a “big sister” at 17 months and I know it hasn’t always been easy. I went from being a calm and relaxed mum to one who was always tired and overstretched. I think deep down you feel you would have been rather content as an only child. But watching the way you and your sisters interact today I know you adore them and they love and look-up to you. You all make me so inexpressibly proud.

I love you to the rainbows and back, even on the days when I feel like I’m just sending out a string of directions and corrections. You’re a wonderful daughter and I’m so happy you’re mine.

Love,
Mum